R45.84 (ICD-10)

Lyrics

"I used to think you were different I used to think you were like me Just attracted to the darkness You are the darkness I love you but you have to pay for what you've done" Every memory fades like tears in the rain Each laugh an abstraction, a painting of pain I'm a moth to the flame, but the fire feels cold Anhedonia is a thief, and my spirit is been sold Still, I bleed through the ink, let my demons take form Hope the darkness I write can weather this storm It's a labyrinth of longing whеre the walls close in Whеre pleasure is just a concept, paper-thin within The sun doesn't rise here, the clocks don't tick I'm stuck in a timeline where the moments don't stick Every smile is a mask, every touch feels cold Like frostbitten fingers on a heart that won't hold I'm a requiem sung to a hollow tune A poet of the shadows, baptized by the moon If this is living, then I've died every day Anhedonia is my chapel, where I kneel and I pray "Constance said you needed help. You knew you were dead" Yeah, floating on high from a birds eye view Let me down slow, no return flight due Learned how to burn from the girl I knew I'm carrying her disease and with mine too The darkness that lives deep inside you I'll put up a fight with death with one rule Floating on high from a birds eye view Let me down slow, no return flight due Learned how to burn from the girl I knew I'm carrying her disease and with mine too The darkness that lives deep inside you I'll put up a fight with death with one rule She's never coming near my love again and bloom She's never coming near my love again and bloom "And what I don't understand is... is how come everybody else isn't screaming too, and I... I try to find ways to make myself feel something more And more and more, but it... doesn't make any difference I wake up and I think again, I have to do this again? No matter what I do, I don't feel anything" This maze, I'm lost in its grip where the seasons don't change But the mirror's an abyss staring back with disdain Every shard of myself lost deep in the grain I'm a phantom that's framed in a snapshot of sorrow The past won't release me, no faith in tomorrow Schizoid masquerade, wear the mask of the hollow While avoidant fears bloom, which I can't swallow A silhouette, stitched in the threads of regret Where the thrill of the hunt is a pursuit I forget Pleasure is a stranger, never lingers or stays Joy is a faded echo trapped in permanent haze Every word is a confession, every line is a scar I map the constellations of the wounds I mar The world is painted in colors, but I see it in ash Every hand I avoid is another bond I crash I'm drowning in the silence, no highs, no lows Anhedonia is my prison, and the chains don't show I'm a prisoner of numbness, a captive of care Every gaze feels invasive, every hug is a snare No highs to the lows, just the space in between Where emotions dissolve into nameless scenes I write in the dark, hoping words might redeem But the ink is just as hollow as the space in my dreams Still I long for the warmth that I push away Caught in cycles of silence, night turns to day Every laugh is just a distant tone "You're sorry" I'm ghost and alive Floating on high from a birds eye view Let me down slow, no return flight due Learned how to burn from the girl I knew I'm carrying her disease and with mine too The darkness that lives deep inside you I'll put up a fight with death with one rule She's never coming near my love again and bloom She's never coming near my love again and bloom Yeah, floating on high from a birds eye view Let me down slow, no return flight due Learned how to burn from the girl I knew I'm carrying her disease and with mine too The darkness that lives deep inside you I'll put up a fight with death with one rule She's never coming near my love again and bloom She's never coming near my love again and bloom